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<title>i am your future, i am your past by darling_toforeverandback</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29935761">i am your future, i am your past</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/darling_toforeverandback/pseuds/darling_toforeverandback'>darling_toforeverandback</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chuck (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff and Angst, Happy enough ending, Implied/Referenced Bryce/Sarah, Implied/Referenced Chuck/Sarah, M/M, Set almost entirely during Chuck VS The Nemesis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:54:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,052</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29935761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/darling_toforeverandback/pseuds/darling_toforeverandback</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There were times Chuck couldn't fall asleep, his bed too big. There were times he woke up and panicked, his bed too empty. Even five years later, he missed the crappy mattress of his Stanford twin bed. And he missed the roommate who used to tuck himself under his arm. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or, Chuck misses Bryce and hates that he does. It's not as angsty as it sounds.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chuck Bartowski/Bryce Larkin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i am your future, i am your past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first work for Chuck and I'm not quite sure I've got the character voices down but c'est la vie. </p>
<p>Sorry for the truly awful number of times I use miss/missed and hate/hated. I have a thing for repetition as a device.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were times Chuck couldn't fall asleep, his bed too big. There were times he woke up and panicked, his bed too empty. Even five years later, he missed the crappy mattress of his Stanford twin bed. And he missed the roommate who used to tuck himself under his arm. </p>
<p>Those times always put Chuck in a shitty mood for the rest of the day. What kind of person misses the guy who got them kicked out of college for something they didn't even do?</p>
<p>Morgan had learned not to ask when Chuck was in one of his moods. The first time it happened Chuck had simply growled, "Bryce." Morgan took that to mean Chuck was angry at Bryce. Chuck had never corrected him, never told him he was angry at himself for missing Bryce. </p>
<p>Then there were the rare times that Chuck didn't have it in himself to be mad. He just missed Bryce. Missed the impossible blue of his eyes, the careless smirk that turned genuine the longer he looked at Chuck. Missed the bright sun on the quad and the dim lights of their room as they talked through Zork programming. Missed the soft laughter and the whispered confession that Connecticut hadn't felt as much like home as California did. </p>
<p>There were times Chuck ached for the way Bryce's hair would tickle his chin and how Bryce always squeezed once too tightly, before relaxing into Chuck. </p>
<p>He missed Bryce in his bed and in his life. He missed him in a way that he could never explain to Morgan. In a way he would never even be able to bring up with Ellie. In a way that he would never, ever be able to tell Sarah - her own grief over Bryce's betrayal and death too palpable for them both. </p>
<p>There had been times that he thought there would be no way he could miss Bryce more than he did. Then Bryce was dead and Chuck ached all the more. </p>
<p>It made him so, so angry that Bryce was dead. Bryce would never know how much Chuck hated him; for getting him kicked out, for sleeping with Jill, for making him miss him. Bryce would never know he was the spectre between Chuck and Sarah, the thing always keeping them too far apart. He would never have to face the pain he had caused them.</p>
<p>He was angry at Bryce and angry at himself. Chuck hated how much he still missed Bryce. He hated that he couldn't hate Bryce outright, even after sticking a supercomputer in his head. He hated how relieved he was when he found out Bryce had him kicked out of Stanford to protect him. He shouldn't be relieved. It was easier to hate Bryce, to not want to miss him at all, when all he was made out of was betrayal. </p>
<p>He hated how Bryce wasn't dead. All that wasted grief on his and Sarah's parts. The intangible hope in Sarah's voice when she told him mirrored the feeling he wouldn't acknowledge in his own chest. He hated how much he liked the fact that Bryce would only talk to him. Maybe, despite all the excitement of his spy life, despite having Sarah with him, maybe, Bryce had missed him too. </p>
<p>Or, maybe, Bryce had just known Chuck would be too scared of the needle to do anything. Chuck didn't know if Bryce would actually kill him. He didn't know Bryce anymore. Chuck hated that fact. Hated how much he liked being close to Bryce again. </p>
<p>He couldn't make sense of why he hated how much Bryce said Sarah's name. He couldn't figure out which one of them he was jealous of. </p>
<p>Chuck wanted - needed - answers. Why had Bryce sent him the Intersect? How was Bryce alive? Why had Bryce kissed Sarah? Were they getting back together? Was Bryce going to stay here? Had he…? Bryce's explanation in Casey's apartment satisfied Sarah and Casey enough for them to be willing to set up the transfer. </p>
<p>Chuck hadn't expected Bryce to say he missed him. He hadn't. Really. </p>
<p>Chuck went to bed, tense for the next day. He tried to ignore the fact that Bryce was just an apartment over. Tried to fall asleep even though his arms felt emptier than ever. </p>
<p>He was still awake when his blinds lifted and a dark figure stepped through his window. Chuck jolted upright and tried to hurl himself out of bed and toward the door, but his legs got tangled in his blankets. </p>
<p>"Chuck. It's me," Bryce whispered loudly. He turned to readjust the blinds and the courtyard lights illuminated the face Chuck had once known so well.</p>
<p>"Bryce! What are you doing here?" Chuck vigorously jerked his blankets back into place and glared at him. </p>
<p>Bryce moved toward the bed. "Casey isn't really set up for guests. I was wondering if I could say with you for tonight?"</p>
<p>Chuck could almost feel the "like we used to" left unspoken at the end of Bryce's sentence. He really should call Casey and Sarah. But he was tired. Physically tired, and tired of missing Bryce. He twitched open the covers and slid down to lay on his back. </p>
<p>"Thanks Chuck." If there hadn't been so much about Bryce he hadn't known, he would have bet money he was smiling as he said it. </p>
<p>Bryce slid into bed next to Chuck. There was a line of space between the two of them. Chuck sighed deeply. He should ask why Bryce was here instead of with Sarah. He should ask Bryce why we was actually here. Those words died in his throat, killed by how he likely wouldn't want to hear the answers. Maybe he should just accept what was before him.</p>
<p>"Did you want…?" He trailed off, raising his arm slightly. The way he used to.</p>
<p>And in the way Bryce had used to, he moved closer to Chuck. He wrapped his arms around him and squeezed once, too tightly, then settled. Chuck could feel Bryce's hair tickling his chin.</p>
<p>With his arms full and bed not quite so lonely, Chuck began to drift off. He almost didn't hear Bryce's mumbled, "I missed this. I missed you."</p>
<p>Chuck couldn't stop himself from pulling Bryce impossibly closer. From whispering back, "Then stay."</p>
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